He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
