u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
