Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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