My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
