no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
