No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
