If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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