My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
