get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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