I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
