apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I didn't notice because vodka
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
