ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
