things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
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