I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
