you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
