it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
did you just send me my own nude
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
