On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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