Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
