Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
