i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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