My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
