New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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