I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
