when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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