I cockslap morals
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
