Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
