I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
