So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
