that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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