I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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