Pappa wants mamma naked
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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