when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
