Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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