you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
