She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
