Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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