Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
