You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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