There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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