Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
