Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
