I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
It was confusing and full of hummus
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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