i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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