genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
