I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
