I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
