He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
