I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
