couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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