you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
